Introduction
Namo tassa bhagavato arahato sammāsambuddhassa
Introduction to 3.6.11 Paṭhamasamajīvīsuttaṃ
How Can a Couple Meet Again for Many Lives?
Ubho saddhā vadaññū ca, saññatā dhammajīvino;
te honti jānipatayo, aññamaññaṃ piyaṃvadā.
Atthāsaṃ pacurā honti, phāsukaṃ upajāyati.
When both are bountiful and self-controlled,
Living restraint a Dhamma-life
As husband and wife,
Full of pleasant words for each other,
They will encounter good fortune in many ways,
And happy they will dwell together.
These verses were spoken by the Buddha while he was staying at the Bhesakaḷā Grove (bhesakaḷāvane), which was a deer park located near Bhaggā at a place called the Crocodile Haunt (susumāragiri). The Buddha is said to have spent eight rainy seasons in this grove. The area was named after the Bhaggā tribe and country, with Susumāragiri as its capital—reportedly named for the sound of crocodiles (susumāra) audible from a nearby lake. Bhesakaḷā Grove itself was a woodland formerly ruled by a demon named Bhesaka. It was in this setting that the Buddha once visited the house of Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā after they had invited him for a meal. Their names refer to the name of their son, Nakula.1
It is said that both Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā had a long and close relationship with the Buddha, whom they accompanied through 500 existences as father and mother and as well as uncle and aunt. Because of this profound, long-standing connection, a strong affection was immediately sparked when they first encountered the present Buddha Gotama, during a visit to the Bhesakaḷāvane. Overwhelmed by this sudden recognition, they both prostrated themselves at the Buddha's feet:2 “O’ son, where have you been over this long time, so far away from us?”
The Buddha recognized both Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā as distinguished disciples. He considered them foremost in intimacy and trustworthiness:
Etadaggaṃ, bhikkhave, mama sāvakānaṃ upāsakānaṃ vissāsakānaṃ3 yadidaṃ nakulapitā gahapatīti!4
Etadaggaṃ, bhikkhave, mama sāvikānaṃ upāsikānaṃ vissāsikānaṃ yadidaṃ nakulamātā gahapatānī.5
At the event described in this sutta, both of them took advantage of the Buddha's visit to their home to ask a profound question—one that many deeply dedicated couples would also wish to ask:
Iccheyyāma mayaṃ, bhante, diṭṭhe ceva dhamme aññamaññaṃ passituṃ abhisamparāyañca aññamaññaṃ passitun’ti.
We wish to meet each other not only in this life but also in the lives to come!
The Buddha’s comforting and assuring reply is related in this sutta and quoted at the beginning of this Introduction. This soothing answer provides affirmation that with the upkeep of certain wholesome qualities, the practise of moral ethics and generosity, such a wish can be realized.6
In another sutta, the Buddha explains the respective qualities in more detail and concludes with the same verses.7 He describes the different situations that may occur to partners of likewise moral, immoral or opposite characters. He categorizes the inspiring example of Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā thus:
Idha, gahapatayo, sāmiko hoti pāṇātipātā paṭivirato adinnādānā paṭivirato kāmesumicchācārā paṭivirato musāvādā paṭivirato surāmerayamajjapamādaṭṭhānā paṭivirato sīlavā kalyāṇadhammo vigatamalamaccherena8 cetasā agāraṃ ajjhāvasati anakkosakaparibhāsako9 samaṇabrāhmaṇānaṃ; bhariyāpissa hoti pāṇātipātā paṭiviratā adinnādānā paṭiviratā kāmesumicchācārā paṭiviratā musāvādā paṭiviratā surāmerayamajjapamādaṭṭhānā paṭiviratā sīlavatī kalyāṇadhammā vigatamalamaccherena cetasā agāraṃ ajjhāvasati anakkosikaparibhāsikā samaṇabrāhmaṇānaṃ.
Here, householder, the husband lives a life abstaining from killing, from taking of what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from wrong speech and from indulging in liquor, wine and other besotting substances that are the occasion for negligence, he lives performing moral and wholesome conduct, dwelling in a home free from the stain of miserliness neither reviling nor abusing brahmins or ascetics and likewise the wife lives a life abstaining from killing, from taking of what is not given, from sexual misconduct, from wrong speech and from indulging in liquor, wine and other besotting substances that are the occasion for negligence, she lives performing moral and wholesome conduct, dwelling in a home free from the stain of miserliness neither reviling nor abusing brahmins or ascetics.
The couple Nakulapitā and Nakulamātā not only inspires through their praiseworthy model of a lifelong, committed, happy relationship but is also a motivating example for householders that have acquired sufficient qualities to reach at least the stage of a sotapānna. Their lives have not only been filled with the qualities described above but also by renunciation.10 In an incident, where Nakulapitā has been seriously ill,11 Nakulamātā comforted him to avoid potential worries by expressing a saccakiriyā – a solemn declaration of truth – so Nakulapitā may not die full of concern, which has been criticized by the Bhagava.12 She consoled him that he should not be afraid that after his passing away, she:
• may not be able to maintain herself;13
• may be getting engaged with another husband;14
• may not continue to support the Buddha and the Saṅgha;15
• may not continue to uphold virtuous and moral conduct;16
• may not obtain serenity of mind;17
• nor achieve assurance in the Dhamma and the Saṅgha.18
With this last assertion, Nakulamātā confirmed that she had reached at least the stage of a sotapānna and by the end of her expression of this saccakiriyā her husband was cured from his ailment. The Buddha likewise confirmed that Nakulapitā reached the same stage of liberation by having realized the following six qualities:
Katamehi chahi? Buddhe aveccappasādena, dhamme aveccappasādena, saṅghe aveccappasādena, ariyena sīlena, ariyena ñāṇena, ariyāya vimuttiyā. Imehi kho, bhikkhave, chahi dhammehi samannāgato nakulapitā gahapati tathāgate niṭṭhaṅgato19 amataddaso amataṃ sacchikatvā iriyatī’ti20
What are the six qualities? These are: unwavering faith in the Budhha, unwavering faith in the Dhamma, unwavering faith in the Saṅgha, noble conduct of sīla, noble knowledge and noble liberation. By possessing these six qualities, the householder Nakulapitā has completed confidence in the Tathāgata, has seen nibbāna, the deathless and is one who lives realizing the deathless.21
May the achievements of this happy couple serve as an inspiration for many to follow the same beneficial principles! May many with a similar wish be enabled to maintain the same matching principles of morality and generosity, in order to meet again and again until they achieve liberation together!
1. pitā: father; mātā: mother.
2. This incident is related in the Mahā Buddhavaṃsa, Great Chronicle of the Buddhas, Volume 6, part 2.
3. vissāsika/vissāsaka: trustworthy, intimate, confident.
4. Chaṭṭhavaggo, Etadaggavaggo, Ekapuggalavaggo, Ekakanipātapāḷi, Aṅguttaranikāya.
5. Sattamavaggo, Etadaggavaggo, Ekapuggalavaggo, Ekakanipātapāḷi, Aṅguttaranikāya.
6. The profitable duties of both, husband and wife are mentioned in 3.6.5 Siṅgālasuttaṃ Part One - The Buddha’s Advice to Laypeople and 3.6.6 Siṅgālasuttaṃ, Part Two.
7. Paṭhamasaṃvāsasuttaṃ, Puññābhisandavaggo, Catukkanipātapāḷi, Aṅguttaranikāyo.
8. vigatamalamaccherena: vigata + malam + maccherena: gone + stain + miserliness.
9. anakkosakaparibhāsako: an + akkosaka + paribhāsako: not + (someone who is) reviling + abusing.
10. See her remark in the next paragraph below: ‘no soḷasavassāni gahaṭṭhakaṃ brahmacariyaṃ samāciṇṇaṃ.’ Even so this may not be a fully desirable aspiration for every modern couple of the world of today it points to the fact that final liberation can only be achieved by maintaining complete celibacy even if living as householders: gahaṭṭhakaṃ brahmacariyaṃ.
11. Nakulapitusuttaṃ, Sāraṇīyavaggo, Paṭhamapaṇṇāsakaṃ, Chakkanipātapāḷi, Aṅguttaranikāyo.
12. ‘‘Mā kho tvaṃ, gahapati, sāpekkho kālamakāsi. Dukkhā, gahapati, sāpekkhassa kālakiriyā; garahitā ca bhagavatā sāpekkhassa kālakiriyā.”
13. “Kusalāhaṃ, gahapati, kappāsaṃ kantituṃ veṇiṃ olikhituṃ. Sakkomahaṃ, gahapati, tavaccayena dārake posetuṃ, gharāvāsaṃ sandharituṃ.” – “I am well skilled in weaving and knitting wool. After your passing away, I will be able to support the children and to maintain the household.”
14. “Tvañceva kho, gahapati, jānāsi ahañca, yaṃ no soḷasavassāni gahaṭṭhakaṃ brahmacariyaṃ samāciṇṇaṃ.” – “You are aware, householder, as I am as well, that we have lived the celibate life of laypeople for the last 16 years!”
15. “Ahañhi, gahapati, tavaccayena dassanakāmatarā ceva bhavissāmi bhagavato, dassanakāmatarā ca bhikkhusaṅghassa.” – “Because I will, householder, be even more eager to see the Bhagava and the Bhikkhusaṅgha.”
16. “Yāvatā kho, gahapati, tassa bhagavato sāvikā gihī odātavasanā sīlesu paripūrakāriniyo, ahaṃ tāsaṃ aññatarā.” – “Because, housholder, I belong to those white robed female laydisciples of the Bhagava who fulfill their virtuous practise.”
17. Yāvatā kho, gahapati, tassa bhagavato sāvikā gihī odātavasanā lābhiniyo ajjhattaṃ cetosamathassa, ahaṃ tāsaṃ aññatarā. – “Because, housholder, I belong to those white robed female laydisciples of the Bhagava who obtain inner tranquillity of mind.”
18. “Yāvatā kho, gahapati, tassa bhagavato sāvikā gihī odātavasanā imasmiṃ dhammavinaye ogādhappattā patigādhappattā assāsappattā tiṇṇavicikicchā vigatakathaṃkathā vesārajjappattā aparappaccayā satthusāsane viharanti, ahaṃ tāsaṃ aññatarā.” – “Because, housholder, I belong to those white robed female laydisciples of the Bhagava who have attained thorough foothold, firm stand, consolation in the Dhamma and the discipline, I have crossed doubt, left behind all questioning, arrived at confidence and independence from others in the teacher’s dispensation.”
19. niṭṭhaṅgato: niṭṭham + gato: perfection, conclusion + gone, arrived at.
20. Bhallikādisuttāni, Sāmaññavaggo, Chakkanipātapāḷi, Aṅguttaranikāyo.
21. Nakulapitā had realized these qualities by following the Buddha’s advice presented in Nakulapitusuttaṃ, Nakulapituvaggo, Khandhasaṃyuttaṃ, Saṃyuttanikāyo and in Nakulapitusuttaṃ, Saḷāyatanasaṃyuttaṃ, Saḷāyatanavaggo:
This is to remain aloof towards the influence of the input of all sense doors, not seeking delight in them, eliminating clinging towards them without developing any attachment: ‘‘Santi kho, gahapati, cakkhuviññeyyā rūpā iṭṭhā kantā manāpā piyarūpā kāmūpasaṃhitā rajanīyā. …pe… Santi kho, gahapati, sotaviññeyyā saddā…pe… ghānaviññeyyā gandhā… jivhāviññeyyā rasā…pe… santi kho, gahapati, manoviññeyyā dhammā iṭṭhā kantā manāpā piyarūpā kāmūpasaṃhitā rajanīyā. Tañce bhikkhu nābhinandati nābhivadati nājjhosāya tiṭṭhati. Tassa taṃ anabhinandato anabhivadato anajjhosāya tiṭṭhato na tannissitaṃ viññāṇaṃ hoti na tadupādānaṃ. Anupādāno, gahapati, bhikkhu parinibbāyati.
- and likewise to stay aloof towards the influence of the sensorial field of existence and leaving behind attachment by developing awareness of all changes and alterations by not identifying with the notion of self, me or mine: … na rūpaṃ attato samanupassati, na rūpavantaṃ vā attānaṃ; na attani vā rūpaṃ, na rūpasmiṃ vā attānaṃ. Tassa ‘ahaṃ rūpaṃ mama rūpa’nti …, ahaṃ vedanā, mama vedanā’ti…, ahaṃ saññā mama saññā’ti …, ahaṃ saṅkhārā mama saṅkhārā’ti …, ahaṃ viññāṇaṃ, mama viññāṇa’nti apariyuṭṭhaṭṭhāyino, taṃ viññāṇaṃ vipariṇamati aññathā hoti. Tassa viññāṇavipariṇāmaññathābhāvā nuppajjanti sokaparidevadukkhadomanassupāyāsā. Evaṃ kho, gahapati, āturakāyo hoti no ca āturacitto’’ti.